campground in maine southern

Over the past year and a half iapos;ve realized a lot about myself.�� About the kind of person I�was, the kind of person I became, and the kind of person iapos;ve now become.� Iapos;ve looked back and thought over my actions. �Seen all of my mistakes.� Noticed all the flaws and failings of my character.� It was interesting, though often depressing, to think back to the kind of person I was, and the kind of things I�caused.� I can think back and remember every single moment of every single day that meant something to me, or was a turning point in my life.� Sometimes I think that, when iapos;m closing my eyes in the darkness, letting my thoughts wander, that iapos;m just watching another drama soap-opera on the television.

Iapos;d have to say, that in the past year and a half, iapos;ve made 2 mistakes.� Not the minor "oh I forgot" or "oops, my bad" mistakes.� I�mean the kinds of mistakes that create a circumstance that develops a powerful emotional response, and makes me question the purity of who I am.� Those two mistakes were essentially the same kind of mistakes, though had their distinct differences.� The first mistake, was my weak-hearted, idiotic, and undoubtedly selfish betrayal of Glet.� Betraying his trust and his respect, and hurting him like someone shouldnapos;t be hurt.� The second mistake was similar, though under different circumstances.� The second mistake was the betrayal of TJ.� Betraying his trust and his respect.� Betraying his commitments and sacrifices.� Betraying his love.�

Both these things were the most foolish and selfish things iapos;d ever done.� In both instances, I betrayed and hurt someone I�love.� In both instances, I was tossed aside.� In both instances, I�was shaken to my core, and left to question myself and the purity of my person.� In the time since those instances, iapos;ve willingly held myself aside.� Keeping to myself.� Denying my urgers.� Placing myself into a socialized solitude where upon keeping a social life to retain some sanity, without fully retreating into lonliness and depression.� In the time iapos;ve had to myself, so to speak, iapos;ve been able to determine my weaknesses.� Iapos;ve been able to label my flaws, and in this time suppress, or even eliminate, those traits of my person that brought ruin and pain to the friendships and closeness I�enjoyed with others.

So, in a nutshell......iapos;ve changed...

I donapos;t hold hope or some kind of delusion that by changing who I am for the better will make what had happened alright, or that it will bring those I�hurt back into my life.� I�just know that these circumstances have, coming to this, changed me for the better.� I�know iapos;m a better person these days.� Iapos;m glad that I�can learn from my mistakes. �

Heh heh...self-reflection makes me hungry...

Time for some Burger King and a beer...
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